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Why I do this work

When I was growing up, these were the sort of things that adults said about me.

“I don’t know why he’s so bad. He’s always getting into trouble”

“I suggest that you send him to a therapist because of his behavioral issues.”

 “What’s wrong with him!”

 “Why won’t he stop being bad, he seems like a smart kid,”

Why wouldn’t I stop being bad?

Why did I grow up with an internalized belief that I was “bad?”

Why do so many adults have internalized beliefs that they’re “stupid”, “unlovable”, “unwanted”, or just a general feeling of “there’s something wrong with me?”

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As a little boy I was desperate to get positive attention and acceptance. I wanted to know that I was loved not only when I followed directions, but also when I didn’t. After all, if you only love me when I’m “good”, that’s not real love at all.

My disrespectful behavior and bullying was a cry for help. The little boy was saying, “please see me. Please see all of me. Please accept me and love all of me!”

Instead of typecasting a child as bad (ugly, stupid, broken, unlovable… you get the idea), why not offer a child a gift of reassuring them that they are good and precious and sweet and worthy of love!

There is no such thing as a bad child.

There is only the child who is desperately seeking unconditional love.

 This may sound pretty simple and straightforward now that I’ve explained it, but the truth is that being able to put my experiences into words is the result of the expressive types of therapy that I offer clients today.

When I was growing up, I had no words for this feeling of “being bad.” Because I couldn’t describe the feeling, there was no way I could change that belief. This may be your experience too. You cannot disprove a belief that you can not articulate.

As an adult desperate for psychological help, I sought out traditional talk therapy. This happened before somatic therapy was readily available so I worked with the best people possible at the time. I’m grateful for the help that I received.

Talk therapy was helpful for the beginning of my healing journey. However, It was not until I discovered expressive therapy such as Parts Work, Sand Tray and Somatic Psychotherapy t hat my transformative progress really began.

The primary reason talk therapy was limited for this kind of healing is because of its limited ability to address trauma. Trauma by definition is an experience that cannot be easily put into words. My experience is that expressive therapies offer clients the opportunity to tell their story in a more full, nuanced and rich way that allows them to access greater healing

Most people who have childhood trauma don’t have much to say about their experiences. There are plenty of feelings and emotional triggers that you probably have a difficult time describing or talking about.

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When asked about your childhood you might think something like...

  • I don’t want to talk about it
  • I felt like no one understood me
  • It was messed up, just like everyone else’s
  • I was the black sheep of the family
  • Somehow I was always blamed for everything
  • I was always worried or anxious
  • I never felt safe
  • I don’t really feel like I had a childhood
  • I thought I was unlovable

If you experienced childhood trauma, it’s very likely that you don’t have much to say about your childhood because you have never been able to put it into words.

If you are an adult suffering from the effects of a difficult childhood, you need a place to tell your story. You need someone who can understand what you have been through; someone who knows what it’s like to be stuck in a mind that tells you that you are unworthy, unlovable or bad. You need help understanding your past so that you can be empowered to create a healthier future.

I offer trauma therapy to others in order to pass on the legacy of healers that have been (and continue to be there) for me. We’re all in this together. If you have a need for this kind of work, please feel free to reach out to learn more.

Licensed in Maryland, Florida & Vermont